(Hey, that's me!!!)
Full Name: Baurice Alexander Emmanuel Gerard Jones Esq.
Age: 69 dude!
Address: 117 Dennis Miller Way, Bennyhills, Fortune City
Height: 5'12"
Weight: 9 stone
Hobbies: Girls, Picking my nose in public, rearranging furniture
Lifetime ambition: To date Anna Kournikova
Most Embarrassing Moment: Being caught in bed with a sheep by my mum.
Most Likely to say: Give us a kiss Anna!!!
Most Unlikely to say: Not tonight Anna, I've got a headache.
Well Baurice, you are an exciting person! What happened to that sheep?
Maurice, it died due to shock.
Shock?
Could we talk about something else please?
NO! I want to know about the sheep!
Look you b**tard, my agent told me there would be no questions about the sheep incident!!!
Moving on then. So you like re-arranging furniture then? That must be...um...fun?
Re-arranging furniture is good!! I mean, even Anna Kournikova may need her furniture re-arranged one day.
Hmm, right. It says here that you'd like to date Anna. I'm afraid she's already taken. What are your thoughts on that?
That is bollocks!!!
Bollocks? She seemed pretty close to Ronaldo if you ask me
.Look, last time I spoke to Anna she told me that she was single. On the Ronaldo incident she said that she would never go out with a "baldy Brazilian bloke".
And Sergei?
SHE IS SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, whatever you say. There is no chance that she'd
date you anyway. Moving off the subject of the voluptuous Anna K, do you really like picking your nose in public?Why yes, nothing can beat the feeling you get when, after many long minutes of searching around, you finally extract a large, slimy big green globule of snot out of your nose. After I've done that I have the added pleasure of rolling it up into a ball and flicking it at the really pretty girls in class!!! I find it attracts them to me, that is to say it gets their attention.
You still single then Baurice?
Maybe.
Well there you have it fellow surfers, the great Baurice Emmanuel Jones Esq. What a guy! I salute ye Mr Jones. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions Baurice.